For Those in Need of Encouragement

For Those in Need of Encouragement

From time to time, we can all use some encouragement, even if we have to give it to ourselves. Life can beat us down, or we can be cruel to our own precious selves, and we are in need of a pick-me-up.

One of my favourite quotes from Rumi is, “You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” Everything we need is already inside of us, curled tight in the bud, simply waiting for the right conditions to bloom and blossom. I firmly believe this to be true. But sometimes the wait is so long and we begin to lose hope that a miracle is, in fact, underway.

For those in need of encouragement If you’ve been too afraid to try for something you want, now is the time. Don’t wait. You are more powerful and capable than you know. So much beauty resides in you, waiting to catch flame and burn brightly out in the world.

Step out and take the risk that scares you most. Believe that the net will be there when you leap. We hold ourselves back far more than circumstances or other people do. It’s time to try for it, to cease shrinking back, to grasp what you are longing for.

Look around for those who can help you. Who do you find inspiring? Spend time with them. Watch and learn. Be amazed. Refuse to sell yourself short by being with the small-minded, critical, angry people. You deserve better company, so go make it happen.

If you feel rushed and stressed, slow down and simplify. Take a garbage bag around the rooms you live in and get rid of unnecessary clutter. Don’t keep things “just in case”. If it creates physical mess, it also adds to your psychic junk pile. Clear it away and experience the freedom of less. My new life mantra is: It’s better to want less than to have more.

Know that you are good enough. Not someday, when you achieve some mythical level of success or an ever-changing dollar amount in your retirement fund, but NOW. In this moment. If everything you need is inside of you, all you have to do is claim it. Experience the happiness and contentment that comes from knowing that who you are is already valuable beyond measure.

It’s in you. It is you. The answers are not out in the world, they are in your own identity, and they are not what you think they should be. It’s okay. Breathe deep and do your level best to let go of the drama, fear, stress and horseshit around you. Go inward, for that is where your peace and love reside. You’ve had it all along – now the task is to clear away the noise and clutter in order to access it.

Life is Messy

Life is Messy

I’m lost. And afraid. I’m not clear on anything at the moment, which means I’m in the shittiest phase of the growth cycle. I know I won’t be stuck here forever (even though it feels like it) and big changes are likely in the pipeline that will be good for me. But none of this knowledge helps to heal the current pain I’m feeling.

It’s time to get honest with myself and to others about how confusing, alienating and exhausting life can get. It’s messy with a capital damn M. My soul is like a wounded bear, growling from my den, daring anyone to come at me with yet another “this too shall pass”. I know that already. We all do.

I’m longing for more shared honesty. For more “me too” and less stoic pretence. I want no more advice, so I must continue to work at not giving any out either. What helps the most when my soul has been rubbed raw with lemon juice is a piece of hope from someone else who has also experienced genuine pain, loss and grief.

life is messyThe world is a scary place. Sometimes it’s simply all too much for me. My kids are in pain and I must do my best to help them through, to offer encouragement and strength even when I am thoroughly beaten and defeated myself. I’m trying to be gentle and kind to my weary mind and heart, offering love in place of judgement, but life offers none of us a chance to get away from our problems. We only get temporary reprieves at best. The sadness will still be there, lying in wait, when we are done with our shopping, eating, Facebook surfing, exercising or Netflix binging.

Every one of us is in constant flux, evolving and changing, trying our best and still occasionally falling flat on our faces. This journey of becoming our true selves can be so rough. We get lost, night falls, our compass breaks and we have no clue where we are in our own inner landscape.

I pretended for years that I was fine when I was actually dying inside. I know that way doesn’t work, but trying to be vulnerable in a world committed to posing as rich, thin, happy, helpful and eternally young is deeply challenging too. No one said it would be easy, and at the end of the day I must choose what is right for me no matter what anyone else is doing. But stepping out as your real self, keeping a soft and open heart, trying to be honest when you are struggling – these things go against the grain, and the sense of isolation can be enormous.

The only way I know how to survive is to keep going. To breathe in and out. To hug my husband and my kids. To watch a great movie and read an inspiring book. To reach out to someone I respect and love to say, “I’m hurting. How are you?” To try again, when I prefer to hole up inside myself and never try again. To realize that the mess of life serves a growth purpose.

Nothing worthwhile is achieved without significant pain. Doubt is a huge part of this process. It’s normal. I’m not the only one to feel this way. Something is happening. New life is around the corner. I have no choice but to wait for it. All I really have to do now is the best that I can in this rough patch.

Safe in the Moment

Safe in the Moment

When I’m afraid, it helps to follow the advice I regularly give to my son William when he begins a panic attack: breathe slowly, bring yourself back to your body, stay in the present moment, repeat to yourself, “I am safe.”

Most of what worries us lives either in the future or the past. It’s fear over a potential outcome that might never materialize or regret over something already done. If we make an effort to exist in the present moment, with all of its attendant feelings, sensations and realities, we have a better chance of staying calm and collected.

The question I’m trying to ask myself is: what is under my actual control? We all know that our response to any situation is completely up to us, but practicing this while under stress is still challenging. Our minds nose way down the road, anticipating poverty, relationship conflict, uncertainty, loneliness. It’s easy to become overwhelmed.

SafeThe key is to bring my focus back to the present moment. To breathe. To imagine myself as safe, cared for, loved…as I can provide these things for myself. Prepping for doomsday scenarios only increases the chaotic sense of panic. Whatever comes, each one of us will have no choice but to deal with it.

Imagining stress is optional, facing reality is not. We are better off working to remain calm and stable, so we are in a more secure mental space to handle misfortune if it should arrive. And it helps to remember that most of what we worry about never actually happens.

Good things are just as likely to occur as horrible ones. Most of our problems originate in our minds, because we long for a specific outcome and anything other than that brings us grave disappointment and loss, even if it was only a vague possibility instead of an actual reality. Damn this internal pessimism of mine, this infernal waiting for the other shoe to drop which ruins even the happiest of days.

I should know by now that the doom and gloom I forecast usually disappears with time. If I allow a little light and air on it, I’ll watch it vaporize. Old habits like shame, depression and fear roar back into life if we let them, for they’ve worn a deep, familiar groove in our subconscious. I have healthier skills available to me, such as trust in myself and others, a newly-kindled optimism, the ability to set a long-term goal and work patiently at reaching it.

Where it all falls apart is the intersection with other people, for I cannot control what others do and say. But I am not responsible for the actions of other people. I must simply observe what they do (or fail to do) and then respond in the healthiest way I can. The stress of others does not have to become my reality. Only if I let it. I can come up with a happier strategy. The critical thing is to be clear on what’s mine and what isn’t – a lifelong struggle for me but one I have to keep working on.