new year Archives - Julianne Harvey

I came down with a bad cold just before the Christmas holidays, which turned into laryngitis by the evening of Christmas Day, after a lot of visiting with family over a delicious turkey dinner.

I’ve never had laryngitis before. It’s a strange affliction, where you try to speak and there’s simply nothing there but air. Not a hoarse rasp or a faded voice, but the absence of all sound.

I went to the walk-in clinic today to confirm that what I have is just viral and will go away on its own in the standard 7-14 days (yes and yes), so no antibiotics are required. Only patience, which I tend to have in very limited supply. The doctor also confirmed what a Google search had already revealed: even whispering can do further damage to my swollen vocal chords and should be studiously avoided.

Having quiet forced upon me (and likely a pleasant delight to my immediate family members) has been an interesting experiment. The many thoughts that flit through my mind can be noticed and then discarded. Not every one of them needs to be voiced aloud. I hope I carry this lesson with me into the new year when my voice will hopefully return.

With my voice out of commission, it forces me to observe those around me and listen to what they say without chiming in. I can learn a lot from others by doing this. Not every conversation needs my words in it.

Sitting around with my husband and kids when we are all reading or scrolling through phones or pasting Star Wars stickers in a book can be quite peaceful and restful. Normally I would pepper these times with witty observations (would my family refer to these comments as witty?) but right now I cannot speak so we mostly spend this holiday week together quietly. And it’s been so lovely.

Laryngitis has helped me up my game when it comes to nonverbal communication. A gentle smile for William and a shoulder rub, particularly when he whispers to me even though his voice is in tip-top shape. A hug for Ava as we pass each other in the kitchen or on the stairs. A kiss for Jason and a nod or a goofy wink. All ways to connect with those I love without using the words I usually rely on.

It’s been a silent night over here. I’m soaking up these quiet, relaxing pajama days and getting ready to say goodbye to 2017 and bid hello to a brand new year, full of unknown possibilities, joys and heartbreaks.

May the rest of your holidays be warm, pleasant and beautiful. Thank you for being a part of my blog and my life in 2017. Let’s chat again in the new year.

Do you want to be happy? For the longest time, I didn’t think it was a worthy goal to aim for simple happiness, but now I believe I was wrong.

Happiness is worthy, in and of itself. Today, on the eve of a brand new year, I’m reflecting on what it means to be happy. To cease striving for some future state of peace and joy and actually cultivate it right here and now.

Happiness equals choices. It gives us the right to decide what it is we need, and offers permission to go for it. This approval does not come from any outside source. Like all worthy pursuits, it’s an inside job. Our happiness does not depend on any outside person, circumstance or situation. We grow it in our own soul, tending it like a garden, until it bears fruit and flowers.

Happiness is not a competition. It’s not defined or regulated by what other people have or don’t have. Looking to the left and right to gauge your happiness based on theirs is the surest way to lose your sense of serenity. Make a choice to unhitch your internal state from anything external. Work on it from the inside, blowing on the ashes to bring the flame to life.

Stop worrying about what other people are saying, doing or choosing. Their happiness is not connected to yours. Practice moving away from a fulcrum-type of life, where your feelings and experiences are hinged on someone else’s. This faulty worldview puts you at the constant mercy of the moods and whims of others. You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul (so beautifully said in Invictus by William Ernest Henley).

Happiness is about nurture. You must identify what you need, at any given time, and become responsible for getting that need met. Don’t wait for others to notice you have needs and magically meet them. This is fantasy thinking, and all that comes from this is resentment, paralysis, and unacknowledged rage.

Nurture yourself. It’s no one else’s job to do this; only yours. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of that. This practice leads to a healthy life, but every choice you make should lead you in that direction and not away from it.

Happiness requires courage. Live boldly in order to be happy and at peace. Don’t waste any more time living other people’s dreams for you. This is it – your one precious life – and every moment is either leading you closer to your authentic self, your deepest dreams, your own sense of fulfillment and joy, or you are moving away from it.

Which one will it be as we collectively peer into 2016? What is your own unique recipe for happiness? Will you summon enough courage to make healthy choices, opt out of bloodsport competition and nurture your own soul in order to get where you want to go?

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Laryngitis

Recipe for a Happy Life